When I got home from work last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to some place expensive...................
So I took her to a gas station!!
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
9 WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" .... that will bring on a "whatever").
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F___ YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to # 3.
Friday, May 2, 2008
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the
Man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the
Husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body
Because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate
Some of her own skin. However, the on ly skin on her body
That the doctor felt was suitable would have to come
From her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they
would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they
requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After
All, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was
completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face.
He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his
Friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful
Beauty! One day, he was alone wi th his wife, and he was
overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, 'Dear,
I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.
How can I possibly repay you?'
'My darling,' she replied,
'I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother
kiss you on the cheek.'
Man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the
Husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body
Because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate
Some of her own skin. However, the on ly skin on her body
That the doctor felt was suitable would have to come
From her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they
would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they
requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After
All, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was
completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face.
He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his
Friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful
Beauty! One day, he was alone wi th his wife, and he was
overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, 'Dear,
I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.
How can I possibly repay you?'
'My darling,' she replied,
'I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother
kiss you on the cheek.'
Forbes Fictional 15
Forbes list of the 15 richest fictional characters:
The current list:
- Scrooge McDuck 28.8 Billion
- Ming the Merciless 20.9 Billion
- Richie Rich 16.1 Billion
- Mom (Futurama) 15.7 Billion
- Jed Clampett 11.0 Billion
- C. Montgomery Burns 8.4 Billion
- Carter Pewterschmidt 7.2 Billion
- Bruce Wayne 7.0 Billion
- Thurston Howell, III 6.3 Billion
- Tony Stark 6.0 Billion
- Fake Steve Jobs 5.7 Billion
- Gomez Addams 2.0 Billion
- Willy Wonka 1.9 Billion
- Lucius Malfoy 1.6 Billion
- Princess Peach 1.3 Billion
The list in 2002:
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Expensive Santa Cruz Mountains search finds stoned teen
(04-30) 05:28 PDT Santa Cruz, CA (AP) --
A mother's frantic 911 plea for help finding her injured teen son lost in the Santa Cruz Mountains led to an expensive search that ended with rescuers locating the youth stoned on drugs.
Eighteen-year-old Matthew Rosenberg had used his cellular telephone Monday night to call his mom and tell her he tripped, broke his leg and was lost.
But Cal Fire Capt. Bill Finch says the Los Gatos High School senior didn't break his leg, adding the teen had apparently swallowed hallucinogenic mushrooms, possibly dropped some acid and just "thought" his leg was broken.
Finch says the teen "was really gorked" when rescuers found him standing at the bottom of a ravine. The cost of the search was estimated at up to $10,000.
The teen's father Mark Rosenberg says the boy will be punished, adding "he probably won't get to use the car for a while."
I hope the parents get to pay the search cost.
And I'm so thrilled the father will take away the car! Give me a break
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